On Self Awareness and Self Destruction

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Isn’t the human mind a real mystery?

One day I feel low and self-doubting and the very next I am self-aware and self-loving. How is it possible that my brain knows what needs to be done to live a more fulfilling life but it is the same brain that prevents me from doing anything productive?

It is also worth noting how there is a stark difference in the way my brain manages my work and my personal commitments.

Work-brain:

  • Knows and understands the gravity of deadlines
  • Prepares to-do lists and follows them with religious severity
  • Prioritizes work over health and mental well-being

Personal-life brain:

  • Makes to-do lists (in the head) that are forgotten
  • Understands the value of relationships, still chooses to ignore it
  • Worries about work and continues ignoring health

Why is this so? Why the discrimination in treatment of matters?

At times, I feel like approaching a psychologist to help me understand my mind. Why do I do the things I do? Why do I have a self-destructive edge towards my personal life?

When I say self-destructive I don’t mean physical harm. I mean – knowingly taking bad decisions, on multiple occasions. Knowing the right path and still somehow looking the other way.

And shouldn’t self-awareness help in reducing/improving self-destructive behavior? Isn’t self-awareness a method of introspection? A way to realign one’s behavior with one’s internal standards and values?

Is laziness the root cause? Or does it go deeper?

I need answers, but know not where to look.

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